ramblings#12

what do you do, where do you go when the party's over? well i have been keeping busy. one thing is for sure, sam crittenden's house is going to be the coolest place in glendora. oh wait. it already is. there is a zipline into the pool in the works that will be ready to go by next week, and the poop shoot is getting re-tarped. cause you have to do that to poop shoots every now and then. tarp em up. if you don't know what i'm talking about you need to go to sam's house. as matt bolt always says, "it's like disneyland, except it never closes."
clean shaven or die. it makes me really happy that at least some people in the world can grow legitimate beards. the house smells like weed. i guess i am the one who would notice something like that. but it doesn't bother me. i love these guys. i have some real friends and brothers in them. it's sad that it took me until now to realize this.
tonight is boys night. so if your boys want to die you let em. girls wanna cry forget em. i love that line. BITERS. everyone should listen to them.
does anybody know any one that wears ben sherman clothes? i love ben sherman. they are so english. so all the skins and mods van pretend its 1969 forever. and that sounds fantastic.
i have been going on a lot of runs lately. this is good because, a. i have always wanted to start running again, and b. running helps me clear my head. and that is always a good thing. soccer has been so therapeutic to my life. but i have discovered that following it too closely is not. not that i don't love arsenal, but lately i have all but forgotten the season and that is a good thing. i am not really a sports fan. i think i like football because of the idea of community, your friends by your side, and staying loyal to a team until you die. i think i can only be a big soccer fan when i'm on top. and it's weird, these days no one is loyal to a team based on geography. of course i shouldn't say no one, but people don't have to be. "my team" is thousands of miles a way. anyway enough about football. that's not really what has been on my mind at all.
i am going through a tough time in life. i feel like i am changing for the better and growing, but that doesn't make things easier. growing up is not easy. but i am proud of myself for learning. i have really been working hard at becoming the man that i am, and that i will be. it won't happen in two weeks, it won't happen in a month. but it's happening whether i like it or not. i am proud of the way i have been tackling it head on, as hard as it is everyday. i pray that i never let my guard down. i want to learn from every experience in my life. i want to live a life i am satisfied with. and that's all a man can hope for.
laundry is done. time to cook. a new recipe a week. that's what i am shooting for. so far so good.
and it feels so good just to say what i need to say. i can't wait to scan some things and share them. i can't wait to write more of them.

ramblings#10

i have spent the first part of the day doing work around the bolt household. it feels really good. putting things up. thinking for yourself. working. problem solving. i love it. it is great to help other people. it is great to learn new things that make you a more responsible and ultimately a more knowledgeable person. i need to do more of that. it just feels good.

ramblings#9

what i would do for something to say. i just feel exhausted. my soul is tired. my mind is tired. i have been going up and then down and then up and back down. i guess that's a part of the process. i want to just drive. i am looking forward to a week off of school for spring break. i am going to use everyday of it, no every hour of it to rest, relax, refocus, and recharge. i don't want to go home, but it will be good for me to do so. i want to cry. i want to scream. i want to go out and shake the world. i want to laugh. i want to sing. all at once. i am trying hard to stay focused on me. i really like myself. i want to try harder. i want to move faster. but you speed up time. you can't shut yourself off to this process. you can't stop growing. i am growing up. and i'm becoming a better man for going through it. and i will always be. i have a long way to go, even though it feels like i have come so far. i still have a long way to go. i thought i had a grasp on the whole one day at a time idea, but now that i have really come to terms with it, it is much better than i imagined. it is not an easy adjustment, and you can never forget about the people you love and care for. but just take things as they come. cherish the moments that the day brings you. it's a balance. look forward to the future but be present and honest with yourself everyday. it is easy to say, but it means so much more to act upon and live by.
my friend sevanna got a job at ikea. how awesome is that? what a place to work. it reminds me that we need a new coffee table. we'll have to go get one once she starts working there. i am continuing to try and find a new job. i almost had one at the student book store but my class schedule prevented me from being able to get the job. that is such a bummer. but i keep looking, and i keep trying. who knows what i will find. lets see what the next hour has in store for me.

ramblings#8

oh boy. there are times when i stop and think. and think and think and think. it's important to remember that worrying about every little thing does nothing but drive you crazy, and those around you crazy as well. It's a breath of fresh air to let them all go. this is one of the ways i do that. i wish i had learned this lesson sooner. but the important thing is that i am learning the lesson.
the new rob bell book arrived yesterday. it's already a good interesting read. it is really soothing to my soul right now. i like that. i like that a lot.

ramblings#7

i have dreamed for two weeks straight. i never dream. at least i never remember my dreams. i guess i need to put a notebook right next to my bed so that the moment i wake up, i can write down my dreams. i would like to remember them.

ramblings#6(thoughtsonabrokenscanner)

i make it a point to try and write these out physically. i like it that way. i feel human. not that i will go on and on about how the internet is the ruin of mankind. i think it's a very useful tool, and it is helping me release. i have no complaints there. but right now my usage is very purposeful. i hope that it remains that way. anyway. when i write these out physically i like to photograph them. and then upload them. i can't wait to do that. i have a back log of work that has been flowing out of me. but it's just as good to get them out, as it is to upload them. i don't need to upload them. but i would like to. it feels nice to share these things. even if they are going unheard, the act of putting it out there for anyone and everyone is the important part.
astronomy. how fun. i can not wait to finish this course. the things we go through. and come out stronger, wiser, and better. It is hard to see. hard to remind yourself. but ultimately true.
i feel the need to get a tattoo. it is good to get them in times of trial. it reminds you forever what you went through. i have been considering a tiger head for a long time. thinking purely that i like the idea of an old sailor jerry type tiger head, just because. i have a lion's roar inside my head. waking me up, never letting me rest. it's a good thing.
i'm on this path. i enjoy the journey. when i think of where i have been, and where i am, i am amazed. where i will be tomorrow i don't know. that's more exciting than it sounds.
i ordered rob bell's new book. i need something to focus on. i love reading. i love learning. i love searching. i am excited to read this book. the george washington biography is good, however i need a little more right now. i need something to chew on. i'm a biter.
once school is over i will go home. and spend some time with my friends. that's who they are. it's so good to be that with them. never take any relationship for granted. our interactions with human beings mean so much more than we think they do. i am working on the ones that i can. some i can not work on at this point. in time i will be able to. i am learning to be content to focus on the ones that i can now. there is a lesson in it. i am sure of it.
i like poetry. peter doherty is a poet. he really is. the scenes he paints are so vivid and honest. he is an english rose himself. rising to the occasion of the times. inviting us to china town for opium and tea. pray don't look back into the sun. the time will come, and they said it would never come for you.
so much in my head. i let it leak out onto the screen. guard down. horse is brown. people learn, change and grow. they are not predetermined to be someone. things happen because you make them happen. that's true to some extent. be honest. be willing. listen. i have not done that in too long. i pray its not too late. it never is.
it never is.

French Word Of The Day (mot du jour)

rigoler-Definition: (informal) - to laugh, have fun, joke

J'ai bien rigolé en regardant ce film - I laughed a lot while watching this movie.

On a bien rigolé, ce soir - We had a great time tonight.

Tu rigoles ! - You're joking!

Related: (all informal) la rigolade - a bit of fun; rigolard (adj) - grinning, ready for a laugh; rigolo (adj) - funny; un rigolo - comic, funny person

Pronunciation: [ree guh lay]