ramblings#71

fine that's how you want it. apparently i mean nothing. and that is why it is so fucked up. friendship wasn't ever a real intention. i'm just there to fill a void. a gap whenever you're bored. when there is nothing else going on. when its convenient. i don't know you. i have got to get out of here. i'm drowning. why couldn't you have just left?

and even if i could say or show the bottom of my soul. my fucking throbbing heart spilled all over the stage, it wouldn't mean anything to you.

get me out of here.

ramblings#70

you know i have really been trying. do you think it is easy? no it's not. but i have been trying my best. and for what? obviously i am the only one who cares. all of my actions seem to mean nothing. all the thought i have put into everything. the pain, the humiliation, the stress. apparently my relationship in any form doesn't really mean anything.

its a horrorshow.

ramblings#69

i don't know. i don't know anymore. look at it any way you like. i don't know anymore.
you can tell me that i do. but i don't. that's probably hard to face.

you smug faced crowd with kindling eye
who cheer as soldier lads march by
sneak home and pray you'll never know
the hell where youth and laughter go

ramblings#68

cause its a long ways to go, a hard row to hoe
its a long way to go, but in the meantime

ramblings#67

lord please help me.

ramblings#66

i have to let it go. once and for all let go of the pain. i feel like if i let go of my pain, everything will be gone forever. that is not true. it has been a burden for far too long. i cant move forward being attached to it anymore. it's not letting go of my love, it's just the pain and it's at that point where all it's doing is keeping me down. lord give me the strength to let go of the pain once and for all.

ramblings#65

if i live the life i'm given, i won't be scared to die.