ramblings#57

it's still a little hard to take in. it's been a hard day's night, but it looks like it's getting better.
boy am i tired.
i think that a pool party is in order in the near future. also another trip to the beach.
school gets out soon.
vowels are movin.
i can't believe how i life works.
this is the life.
believe it or not i haven't forgotten any of it.

ramblings#57

tomorrow i go in for tattoo number three. the last two months. two and a half have been hell. for the first time in my life i want this tattoo to represent that. as cool as it will look, it will be a reminder of just what i went through and who i have become.
i look back at who i was just two months ago. that was then, this is now. honestly i have never been more determined than now to do as the best i can. i have lost sight of that somehow. it is hard to pardon myself for that. this whole semester has been such a blur. i wish i could do it all over again from an academic standpoint. i have made it but just barely. and in some ways i haven't.
i exhale, and let all of my worries out. we can torture ourselves. we really can. you poor tortured soul. you're alright son. you'll be alright. Turn off your mind, relax
and float down stream
It is not dying
It is not dying

sometimes i don't know what the fuck i am going on about. but i just got to get things out. sometimes i am trying so hard to formulate an idea that just doesn't seem to come out quite like i want it to.

so please lets just try.

ramblings#56

after all my ramblings have been posted, and all of the dust settles, the train pulls into the station and i put my bags down. only what is honest, and true will remain. in the end i must live a man of my word. i am not helpless. i do not fear the future or what it may hold. i stay true to what i know. it is not my nature to not take initiative. who have i become in the recent past that i have sunken in to anything than what i truly am? I have so much more confidence,conviction, and promise than i have shown. and so i apologize to my dearest friends. though i suppose no apology is needed because that is what friends are for when you are down on your luck. but i apologize none the less. to my dearest friend. I have not been the man you knew i was. all that i can do is try my best to live up to what i know i can be. and that is all that i am trying to do. with humility. with sincerity that i hope my life can reflect. all that i ask is that a genuine image is reflected. it has not been in a while. it pains me to admit.

i forgive myself.

ramblings#55

The atmosphere is as cold as ice
i'm almost stone cold dead

ramblings#54

good grief. i am getting worn out. just a few weeks left of this semester. on to summer school. i like summer school. i like getting classes done. its exciting.

It's down to me and my last cigarette. The blind fold comes on and I'm up against the wall.
The list of things we said we'd do tomorrow. Let's do them all today.


Lord give me the strength.

ramblings#53

The things that each one of us can do. It's amazing the potential that we all have. Potential for good, potential to hurt, potential to heal, potential to change. Lately i have been discovering the potential that i have. I am going to be done at citrus by this fall. After that i am going to be able to finish school within one year. I may even graduate early. And so i am realizing just how important each day can be. Use them wisely. Get everything that you can out of them. They do not go on forever. We all have enormous potential. Let's do our best to live up to who we know we can be.

That's how i know I'm having a good day.

ramblings#52