i used to enjoy coming home. i really did. it was nice visiting my family but feeling acomplished having moved out, gotten away, to be in pursuit of happiness. around august i realized i didn't like coming home anymore. seeing old friends became more tragic than anything else, (i apologize for how vain that sounds) and apart from my families, i had little interst left in tehachapi. the last couple times i have come home have been especially hard. i can't even begin to explain. though i know these are rational emotional responses, and that they may well pass, i still am haunted by the ghosts.
that midnight train keeps rollin by,
i'm so lonesome i could cry.
but i am okay. it's okay to feel this way. i don't have a home anymore. tehachapi doesn't feel like my home anymore, neither does azusa. i was reading kyle greenberg's blog a month or so ago and he quoted someone who was talking about the same feeling. maybe i know that this earth is just a tempermental place. that the kingdom is coming.
i think of woody guthrie.
now as i look around it's might plain to see
this wide and wicked world is a funny place to be
oh the gambling man is rich and the working man is poor
and i aint got no home in this world anymore
What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon.
You know. that's just what i'll do.
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